This morning I received a text message from a girlfriend saying, “You need to train me on training our younger men … .” That may sound manipulative to some, or perhaps deceitful to others, but it’s about women taking responsibility for their part in creating the kind of relationship they want with their man. I’m not talking about abusive relationships, as that’s not the context here, but learning how to create an environment for the thriving of a relationship.
I will confess. I have a great relationship with my husband. It’s always been easy and the word I love to use to convey the essence of our relationship and marriage is, “peaceful.” He’s also a relationship coach, but since the day I met him, we’ve had the “no coaching” rule. (He made the mistake once of referring me to a specific page in one of his books, and boy, let’s just say he never did that again.)
But seriously, as women, there are three easy things a woman can do throughout the day which can fundamentally start to change the relationship. We are in the driver’s seat. So herewith I jotted down a few notes on the three easy steps to create a successful relationship.
Always Make Him Right, Even if he Fails
Always look for what he has done right during the day and give oodles of praise. Make him right, even if he didn’t quite “get it.” As women, we tend to look for things to find fault. We can easily get nasty and nag. But men thrive on hearing what they have done right. If they feel they have been successful, they’ll want to do it again, and again, and again.
• “Sweetheart, I know you tried, but next time, if you can do, “X,” it would be even better!”
Here he gets to win for trying, despite the action not being the exact result wanted.
Create Opportunity for Him to Win
Create opportunities for him to win and be very specific with your request. Don’t request actions that are impossible to achieve in the moment. The more a man feels that he can win, the more he will seek to accomplish larger goals. His goal will always be to strive to make you happy!
• “Honey, it would make me very happy if you did, “X.”
• “Sweetheart … Would you be my hero and give me a massage?” Or
• “Sweetheart … Would you be my hero and start the coffee.”
Thank Him for Everything,
Acknowledge the things he regularly does. Thank him especially for helping with chores. And don’t expect a return thank you. Just be in the space of gratitude.
• “Thank you so much for taking out the garbage. I really don’t like doing it and I appreciate that I don’t have to take it out.”
• “Thank you for getting gas in the car, I feel taken care of today.”
• “Thank you for working so hard for our family.”
How do you make your man your hero?